Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?

Take the test and see who you are!

Supposedly this is me:

I took the color Quiz

Not sure if this is who or how I am but hey.....

The Brat took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Over-imaginative and given to fantasy or day-dream..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

Memo from Santa

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the States of Alabama, Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and West Virginia on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was re-negotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.

His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.

Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork skins (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips! a little snuff, so please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I hear'd dat."

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

And Finally,

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus

Motto of the week

Says it all........

Fireplace

Here is an idea,if you do not have a fireplace.....MAKE ONE!
We do every year.I think it looks OK considering it was made by left handed art buffs.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!!!

Imagine that,taken from Atlanta's 11Alive News (NBC):

Schools Battle Christmas Rules

There’s still no peace on Earth in the fight over Christmas and public places. A new bill in the Legislature would protect public workers or public school students from being punished if they say "Merry Christmas" to each other, instead of "Happy Holidays."

Students at DeKalb's Lakeside High School come from 68 countries and speak 59 different languages. That produces cross-cultural greetings at the closing of year.

“I can say to my friends, ‘Happy Hanukkah,’ and they’re like ‘Happy Hanukkah to you too,’ even though they’re Christian,” said senior Elizabeth Moser.

Principal Wayne Chelf said his rule for balancing religious expressions is live and let live.

“I saw a young man in the hall with a Santa hat on, and we have that all over the building. And nobody makes any comment about it at all. We let them enjoy their own celebration,” Chelf said.

But while Lakeside allows its students to express themselves about the holidays to each other, one thing you won't see in these hallways are any official school decorations -- none at all -- and no Christmas pageants either.

State representative Clay Cox said that goes too far. His new bill protects public school teachers and students who verbally express themselves about a public or legal holiday, like Christmas.

“Saying Christmas, expressing Merry Christmas, is under attack, maybe even nationwide. And I felt it was a free-speech issue that I needed to deal with and the Legislature needs to take a look at,” Cox said.

Some Lakeside students said political correctness is often too much, but they wonder if a law is the answer.

“It can be taken to get into other people’s faces and get offensive,” said senior class president Hayley Mason.

Senior Julio Corado said, “In a more Christianized environment, it might be a problem for other people.”

“I think it would create more controversy rather than trying to solve a problem,” said junior Noureen Haji. “But I’m going to err on the side of overreacting when it comes to protecting free speech.”

Neither side has to worry this year. The Legislature won’t meet until January.

Last week, Jackson County Schools clarified their Christmas rules, after a group of teachers complained they were banned from even saying "Merry Christmas" to each other.

So think about this you complaining ASSHOLES out there:
Use COMMON sense and get a DAMN life!
Christmas is Christmas,like it or LOVE it!
Firing people from jobs and punishing children for saying "Merry Christmas" is BULLSHIT!You heard me: BULLSHIT!
WTF is wrong with this society?!?
Get a fucking life and worry about things that matter.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Top 10 Ways to get Drunk for Five Dollars or Less

Number 10. Be a frosh (freshman).

It's not true that every frosh can be knocked into unconsciousness by waving a tom collins under their nose, but as those of us who go hunting for frosh on "New Kids night" at the local dance holes know, the phenomena is not rare. Frosh are usually young, inexperienced, and sometimes even illegal to entice into your boudoir. If anyone can get drunk on five bucks, it's them.

Number 9. Be female.

Chivalry is not dead! While you ladies can't expect guys to risk their life, or miss an episode of star trek for you, you may still be able to get some alcohol out of them. Try standing around the bar, sipping water with a grimace on your face. Dress smutty. Smile at guys as they walk by, the drunker geekier the better. If you want to get more than one drink out of a guy start talking about how hot it is. Act intoxicated. Become even more friendly. At an appropriate time have a friend come by and "save you", then move on to the next guy.

Number 8. Try Medication.

Sleeping pills. Allergy pills. If it says "do not take alcohol with this drug" or "do not operate a motorized vehicle while under the influence of this drug", it must be good! Intelligent students such as ourselves, while not having a shred of pharmaceutical knowledge, can see that these statements are a plot by alcohol producers to keep us buying large quantities of booze.

Number 7. If it ends in 'ol', drink it!

Alcohol isn't the only intoxicant ending in 'ol'. Methanol, Butanol and Propanol are all fine safe intoxicants, often available at bargain prices. Stay away from aerosol, cholesterol, and drool.

Number 6. Sleep Deprivation and Sickness.

For some reason, your body doesn't want you to have any fun, and actively fights alcohol -enhancement. When you're sick, and tired, your body's defenses are at their lowest. This means its often one of the most cost effective times to get plastered! Best of all, if you puke, you can blame it on the flu.

Number 5. Try Antifreeze

Hey, ten thousand deranged alcoholic street people can't be wrong!

Number 4. Smash and Grab.

Drunk on less than five bucks? Try drunk for free! If you're smart enough to figure out your news reader, chances are you're smart enough to plan a little robbery.

Number 3. Scavenge.

Go to any bar and you'll usually see alcohol that people just don't want. Most often these finds will be at empty tables, with chairs with jackets on them that people also don't want. Grab the booze, and the jackets, and leave. Do so stealthily though. You wouldn't believe how many losers will pretend that they really wanted their cast offs. Finders keepers!

Number 2. Hang around with Losers or Generous People (same thing)

Some people are crazed enough to buy alcohol for other people, and expect nothing in return. Well, they might expect after they buy you a round that you'll do the same, but you never signed any contract. Generous people usually stop buying alcohol when they realize what a cheap bastard you are, but losers will usually keep on doing it. They'll be so overwhelmed by the fact that you're actually talking to them, they won't worry about little details, like that they're spending their tuition money to get you pissed.

And now ...(drum-roll)... The Number 1 Way to get Drunk

for Five Dollars or Less: ... Make Beer Fast!

Finger the originator of this article, an address will be given. Mail one beer to this address. Using saturation posting techniques, repost this article to enough newsgroups for about a
million people to see it. Within a few weeks you'll have received a million beers. In another few weeks the postal system will collapse...

Is this a guy's thing?

I have this male friend,one can pretty much say he is my best friend (besides hubby of course).He is about to turn 40,going through a divorce and pretty much acts like a big ole jackass lately.I guess one can understand that,considering.However,he also experiences lack of brain and common sense,more then ever right now.Here is what happened:
I sent him an early Holiday card,including an early Birthday wish as well as a little reminder that I still exist a/k I included a picture of him and I taken in Seattle in May.I told him this card was from someone he seems to have forgotten about lately,someone who still loves him even tho he doesn't deserve it (note:this was put in a sarcastic way which pretty much everyone who knows be understands,everyone but him).Two days ago he called me and told me "Thanks for the card,that was just one of your little ways of being a smart ass and make me give you a call,right?"
WTF?????Well,yes,I was being sarcastic but not being a smart ass to make him do ANYTHING.
As my friend for over 10 years you'd think he would know me by now,right?WRONG!Unless you stand RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM,he has NO clue about sarcasm or jokes.Not on the phone,email or IM....he can not read between lines,nada.Last month I told him that it pisses me off once in a while that he appears to be better friends with his new girlfriend (whom he knows 3 month) then with me,since he's in the divorce....only to hear this "Why?Are you jealous?You are married,not like I can be with YOU!"
UGH!I pretty much had to spell is out in good old fashion NAVY style what I meant before he understood.
A few years ago he spelled out some pretty gory details about what he had done with one of his side-liners,he even felt it necessary to provide me with visual proof.Fine.......but next time he wanted to do so I asked (no I BEGGED HIM!) him to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE spare me the details followed by him telling me....."I am sorry,didn't mean to hurt your feelings,won't ever tell you about my girlfriends again".I guess I must have said it in a teary voice...TEARS of disgust!!!!!
Ahum...FYI: you didn't hurt my feelings,I just had no urge to see my best friend fuck one of his girls.Ahhhhhhhhh,he says.....gottcha!
So my question here is.....is this a guy thing not to use common sense??Or am I just dealing with a very blond male version of Barbie here??Or is he maybe so damn full of himself that he thinks every woman wants him (well,OK,he's a hunk..ahum,don't tell Jim I said that)??Because I am about to give up here...he is driving me CRAZY!And I am 2000 miles too far away to slap him across his damn face!
I have invested almost 12 years into this guy...he should be behaving by now!

BTW:since he is in the divorce it all got even WORSE!

China

My three (almost four) year old has decided to call the female organ....China.Girls have a China,boys have a Penis.Girls also have a China because they are peeing out of their butt.
Oh the logic....
Anyways,I really like the word China better than the official description.I really never liked the word "vagina".Call it a pussy,I don't care but damn.....vagina sounds just WRONG!
So,here is my three (almost four) year old,yesterday at the Kids Club,sitting on my neighbors lap claiming she has a China,because she pees out of her butt and is a girl,because boys have penises.She was rather puzzled over China but quickly got the picture when I told Burger (the three,almost four,year old) "Nope,Miss Michelle has Japan"....the expression on the child's face was PRICELESS!

PS: I have to say "three,almost four,year old"...he insists and in fact has threatened me with deportation to hell if I call him THREE only.